Shallow. Or is it?

Imagine 4 grown-up women, all in their 30ies, successful careers, pretty clothes and ... MEN. That's "Sex and the city". The favourite of millions of girls, wishing to be as pretty, as rich, living in New York, having a career, maybe even being a bit famous? Sounds shallow? I think it does.

But. There's always a BUT. Looking at it from a different point of view.

Their life seems to be all about men and sex and relationships. Yes, still shallow, because life is so much more than that. Life's everyday problems like: what to cook today? what to buy when you're kinda bancrupt in the end of the month? when will I have time to clean the house? Etc etc That's the side I don't like about this movie or TV series or whatever you call it.

But. There is a sort of deep analysis about relationships and people in general there, I can't deny it. And from this point of view it's very close to life itself. Watching it you have at least once during one part the feeling - yes, I've experienced that. At least once. And it makes you think, what kind of person you are, or would like to be etc

Yes, I don't know, I have a feeling I wanted to make some kind of point of this entry, but seems the "point" got lost.

Maybe the point was - it's prefetic to watch "Sex and the city" alone, especially when you know you should be reading Homer "Odyssey" and I've been watching 1 season for like 4 hours by now and will watch it until the end, 'cause I don't care. I've been reading on the schedule "wakink up at 11 a.m, reading until 3 a.m. and then sleeping for 8 hours and then reading or writing an essay again" and I'm supposed to have winter holidays! But instead, with december also started my working marathon schedule until june. And I already now feel rather depressed, stressed, alone, prefetic, excluded from the world etc etc I'm not even sure if my friends remember my existence anymore. Do I have friends left somewhere? Or have they moved on with they're life while I'm too busy with trying to... I don't know even what.. Trying to get somewhere in life, while I'm not pretty sure what it is that I want. Or is it worth working 16/7 for "something" while actually I don't think I will last until June. I'll either go nuts from working too much, give this all up and escape to... wherever, Paris for example (which I miss terribly). Because in the end nobody will care how many books I've read. If I have read all the classics of the world, plus all the literal criticism books in the world or written some very nice essays on myths or on "Butterfly effect". Who will care? Will it give me a good job in the future or will I just end up as a teacher with broken nerves who hates children?

Yes, these questions bother me tonight and will bother me for the rest of my life.

And yes, while watching this "potentially shallow" movie I also started to think about why is it that we always want to change other people around us? I think I'm like Mr. Big. He likes a good relationship, but where each have their freedom. If he has to go work in Paris for a year then other should accept it. Let other person grow, not try to capture them, keep in prison, just because they're too egoistic to let someone have a life next to them. What's the result? Maybe you'll lengthen a bit the relationship, but sooner or later it will end, because the other person is constantly thinking, what could have been differently if I had gone to Paris?

I'm also reading one Estonian book right now (Ilmar Talve "Maapagu"), it's about the beginning of 20ies, around 1905 (Revolution time) start the activities. Back then Estonia was under Russian power and all the people in opposition with russian power were sent out, killed, put to prison or etc. The book is about one man who escaped Estonia because he was against this power. He was 20 at the time and he didn't have anywhere to go. He only had some contacts of writers, artists etc whom he knew in Estonia and who also had escaped the country and gone to Europe - France, Finlande, Sweden, Norway, Germany, Switzerland etc. So he started to travel those countries, living there until he learned the language and culture and then changed living place again. This kind of book made me also feel like wanting to experience more and more new cultures and languages. But at the same time, this kind of life probably makes a person feel very lonely, because you practically have no stability in your life, no family, no friends, just new people you meet all the time and who you have to leave right when you decide to move a country. This is also about shallow.. About shallow contacts - having many many people around you but not the real close ones. But then again - would a life be better with having all the same faces around you 24/7, living at the same place all of your life without getting to know other cultures, landscapes... languages more closely? Is that better? I'm not so sure.. Then again - we always want something "else".